maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize