just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
