are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize