That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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