In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
