He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
