So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
