Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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