Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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