he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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