Is it normal to miss your booty call?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
