Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
