I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
