Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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