used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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