im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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