My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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