somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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