Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
