you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Every concussion has its silver lining
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize