It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
