My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
