I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
