She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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