sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
