I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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