I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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