He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
