32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
