literally had 100 drinks last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
