im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
