Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
