THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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