i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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