There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
