she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
