His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
And then my night got REAL pukey
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
