If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize