he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you would pick up someone in the library
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
