fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
