fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize