Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
