just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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