i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
