Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
