I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize