Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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