hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
