Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize