I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
