i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
