Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Randomize
