Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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