he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
