This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
