i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
