I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
