I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
if i died would you start the facebook group?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
