He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
