I think I died a long time ago.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
