i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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