dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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