k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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