I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
