her vagine was all disorganized.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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