Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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