Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
