Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
MIDGETS
????
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
