I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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