i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
this hospital has no fireball
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize