Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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