Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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