i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize