every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
