I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
