I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
