I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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