so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
